Farro pilaf with pan-fried butterbeans

Farro pilaf and fried butterbeans

Farro pilaf and fried butterbeans

Here at The Ordinary, we’ve uncovered the secret inner-workings of society as we know it, and we’re prepared to share that discovery with you. Points. That’s right, points. We’ll get straight to the point, with a pointed argument, and if you find yourself adrift in the vagaries of the conversation and unsure of your point of sail, pick up a handy pocket map at the point of sale to guide you back to the point of no return. Which is where we are, and this is how it goes. Everybody is allotted a certain number of points to start out with, according to no criteria whatsoever. If this seems arbitrary, that’s because, in point of fact, it is. At this point I should point out that if you happen to be somebody that starts out with an obscene number of points, nothing that follows really applies to you. You can carry on as you like without penalty. Everybody else, however, starts with a certain number of points, which will be depleted or augmented according to various rules of behavior, pretty much from the first. Points well be taken away for sloppy handwriting, for tardiness, and for poor spelling. Points will be taken away for daydreaming or over-enthusiasm. We’re glad you know the answer, but you called it out of turn. Points will be subtracted. We’re pleased that you got the right solution, but you didn’t show your work. Points will be subtracted. You got the right answer and showed your work, but it was the wrong work. Points will be subtracted. Points will be taken away for creativity, unless you’ve invented some way that humans can stay more permanently and utterly attached to their computers, in which case points will be rewarded. Points will be awarded for compliance, for cleanliness, for prettiness, and for whiteness of teeth. If you have many points, it will be easier to get more points. Points will be subtracted if you’re missing part of your uniform. Points will be subtracted if your uniform is not pressed and perfect. If you run out of points, that’s very bad, and more points will be taken away from you. Since you don’t have points at this point, points will be loaned to you at a very great interest, and if it seems like you’ll never be able to pay them back, that’s because you won’t. Of course we value kindness and compassion, but they won’t be on the test, and no points will be rewarded. What’s the point of it all? That’s beside the point, it is a completely pointless question, so we’ll all just carry on, shall we?

So! I bought a can of butter beans, because they looked nice. I decided to fry them up in olive oil with some herbs, and then mix them with tomatoes at the end. So they’d stay somewhat firm – almost crispy on the edges. And I made a sort of pilaf with farro, carrots and peas to go with them. I seasoned the farro with a pre-mixed red zatar, but if you don’t have such a thing, any combination of sesame seeds, fennel seeds, sumac, cumin or coriander would work. Or just some thyme and oregano. Actually, you can’t go wrong with any sort of seasoning that you like! We ate these all together with some little boiled potatoes tossed in butter, and it was all very good together. Lovely flavors and textures. And I am now a big fan of butter beans! We had quite a bit of everything leftover the next day, so I mushed it all together to make burgers, which I fried up in a pan, topped with a slice of cheese, and ate on a bun. Yum.

Here’s Yo La Tengo, with The Point of It

And here’s a wonderful scene from Home Movies explaining the importance of points.

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Port wine – cherry ice cream with spicy bittersweet chocolate – cherry bark

Port wine cherry ice cream

Port wine cherry ice cream

Film critic André Bazin passed away in the process of writing a book about the films of his friend, Jean Renoir. François Truffaut completed the work, organizing Bazin’s writings as he thought best. I can’t tell you how moving I find this book! Not because it contains fiercely intelligent and observant film criticism that makes you see Renoir’s films in a clearer light, although it certainly does that. This book kills me because these men love each other so much, and their affection shines off the pages like a warm, infectious glow. In his introduction, Truffaut warns, “No one should expect me to introduce this book with caution, detachment, or equanimity. André Bazin and Jean Renoir have meant too much to me for me to be able to speak of them dispassionately… André Bazin, whom his friends remember as an extraordinary man full of joyous goodwill and intelligence, found himself in complete sympathy with the work of Renoir…” Renoir, in his turn, wrote of Bazin’s writings, “Certain directors of films, whose work André Bazin analyzed so scrupulously, will only remain in man’s memory because their names will be read in his books. Their worth is not in question. To tell the truth, it matters little to me. I’m grateful to them for having inspired a clear poet, an artist who, by dint of objective humility, made his work the moving expression of his generous personality.” And, of course, time and time again, the word that crops up to describe Jean Renoir’s films is “generous.” He’s kind to his characters, we feel that he loves them – even the characters that we don’t particularly like. In Bazin’s words, “Even when defending a particular moral or social truth, he always does justice to the men who oppose this truth and to their ideals as well. He gives every chance to ideas, and every chance to individuals.” I believe that such generosity, such affection for all of the characters is necessary for any great work of art. This needn’t imply a saccharine avoidance of life’s harsher moments, nor need it come at the expense of honesty. In fact, in pouring one’s soul into the work in a sort of communion with the characters, an artist creates a more resonant recognizable portrait of life. I think this is true of literature, painting, film, music – any medium that struggles to explore what it means to be human, in all of our messy interaction with each other and with the world around us. As Renoir says in the role of Octave in Rules of the Game, “…everyone has his reasons.” I must admit I feel very envious of Renoir, Bazin and Truffaut! I envy their attachment to each other and to film. I envy a world in which writing about films talking about films and making films was so important, and carried out with such warm hearts. Is there a place for that in this world any more? Bazin believed that critics should only discuss films that they liked. It’s so easy to be critical and snide, we see it all around us. It’s so easy to create characters who are shockingly evil, with no soul and no redeeming qualities, we see it in all the most successful films. That’s what sells, and the market has become everything. Renoir describes his love for Bazin in a wistful, prophetic, and bittersweet introduction to the book. “The more I travel through life, the more I am convinced that masks are proliferating…the modern world is founded on the ever increasing production of material goods. One must keep producing or die…One prefers that this process be peaceful, but events have a way of getting out of hand. This is an age of violence, and it is likely to become more so. Still we do everything we can to conduct our operation peacefully, to conquer by persuasion. And thus, the cancer of our society: advertising. Occasionally in such troubled times, men or women come forth to dedicate themselves to helping us reestablish a sense of reality. Bazin was such a man.” It seems harder than ever, today, to see past the masks and the advertising, the petty criticism and shallow cruelty. Luckily we have the films of Renoir and Truffaut, and the writing of Andre Bazin to remind us to be generous and kind.

This ice cream was sooooo good! We ate it on valentine’s day, and it was a special dessert just for David and me. I’m not sure the port wine cooked off, because I felt pleasantly giddy after a few bowls! Basically, this is a port wine zabiglione (I love that word!) with some spiciness from cinnamon and black pepper, and some fruitiness from a few spoonfuls of good cherry jam. It’s mixed with lightly whipped cream, and frozen in an ice cream maker of any make or variety. And I served it with “bark” made of bittersweet chocolate, almonds, dried tart cherries, cayenne and cinnamon – crunchy, soft and kicky, all at once, nicely in concert and contrast with the flavor and texture of the ice cream. You could easily add anything you like to the bark (nuts, bolts, needles and pins…) any kind of dried fruit, any kind of nut, candied ginger, lemon peel, nutmeg, cardamom, coconut, whatever suits your fancy!

Here’s Louis Armstrong with Basin Street Blues. Why? Because Basin sounds like Bazin, of course! And because Louis Armstrong seems like another kind and generous spirit.
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Claire’s delicious failure cookies (with hazelnuts and chocolate chips)

chocolate chip hazelnut cookies

chocolate chip hazelnut cookies

I like to be au fait with the current slang stylings of the kids these days. I like to stay au courant. That’s just how I roll, so don’t go there, LOL. I’m lying, of course. I’m a curmudgeon, so I have little tolerance for trendy words and phrases. And I have to say that one of my least favorite at the moment is “fail” as a noun. I think it’s a fail, an epic fail. It’s such a glib and lazy way to write off humanity as tasteless and stupid. If you’re going to be broadly judgmental about the intelligence of others, at least make an effort – at least don’t speak stupidly yourself! Oh, I’ve seen the website that started it all (I suppose). I’ve had a mean-spirited chuckle at misspellings and foolish sartorial choices, at unfortunate lack of planning or precaution. It strikes me as sad that it’s spawned a culture of snarky negativity. Teasing is too easy, in the age of mechanical reproduction in a virtual universe. It’s too easy to form a giant anonymous mob, peddling petty criticism and public humiliation, with no thought or wit. Of course, my idea of failure and success is somewhat skewed, anyway! I’d like to applaud people for trying, for making an effort each day to stay alive and be cheerful, and make others around them as happy as possible. With Bob Rossian optimism, I’d like to see potential failures as “happy accidents.” So don’t be afraid to try, people! And if somebody tries to mock you for your effort, demand that they at least be a little clever and witty about it! Luckily, I’m not a surgeon or an air-traffic controller! I’m a cooking enthusiast, and I’d say there’s no other realm in which a potential failure can be turned around into an unexpected success. I’m always waiting for the moment that I take a wrong turn in the kitchen and invent a brilliant new culinary technique. Viz: these cookies. I had four egg whites left over. I thought to myself, surely I can make some meringues or macarons, because that’s something that people do, and I’m a person (most of the time.) So I set to work, and … everything went wrong. I put hazelnuts on to toast and then went upstairs and forgot about them. I tried to beat the egg whites by hand, which worked famously for a few minutes, and then didn’t work at all. I put a bowl under the faucet and then went outside and forgot about it and flooded the sink. The more I beat the egg whites, the flatter they got. I thought to myself, “Claire, you know you’re not patient or careful enough to make anything that requires attention!” I was feeling down and discouraged, anyway. I left a bowl of egg whites and sugar on the counter and just walked away, in a rotten mood. And then I got to thinking…why not just make some regular sort of cookies. Add a bit of flour, a bit of butter, some nuts and chocolate. Why shouldn’t they be delicious anyway? And guess what!?! They are!! They’re some of the best cookies I’ve ever made! They have a light crispy texture, with just a hint of chewiness inside. They have a lovely flaky top – like brownies. And they have a nice flavor, too. I like them better than any old macarons! fail-cookies

Here’s Bob Dylan with Love Minus Zero/No Limit. She knows there’s no success like failure.

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Creamy vegan salad dressing that Isaac likes

Vegan dressing/dip

Vegan dressing/dip

At 5:30 this morning, Isaac had a nightmare. He stood outside our door and quietly said, “mommy.” Of course we heard him. Of course we were both suddenly wide awake, and I told him to go back to sleep, and David gave him a hug, and the dog thought it was time to wake up! And eat! And play! I always worry in the summer that I won’t hear the boys in the middle of the night if they need me, through the sounds of fans or air conditioners. But I always do. You always hear your child’s voice. I think I’d hear them calling me however far away they are, however old I am. When they were tiny they’d laugh in their sleep, which is surely one of the best sounds in the world, and we’d lie awake watching them and wondering what they were dreaming about. Now Malcolm talks in his sleep, and says the funniest, sweetest things, which he doesn’t remember the next day. Isaac’s voice is clear and pure, like cool water, and his thoughts, as he expresses them are clear and sweet, they’re perfect, with their odd logic, and as necessary as water. The sound of children playing together on the playground after school, laughing and yelling with happy urgency, sounds like a memory of sunshine. Well, it’s no wonder that musicians use the sounds of children’s voices in their music from time-to-time, and that is the subject of today’s Sunday interactive playlist! Songs that have children’s voices in them, singing or yelling or talking.

Malcolm's self portrait playing his trumpet

Malcolm’s self portrait playing his trumpet

Isaac surprised me the other day by saying that he ate three salads at lunchtime at school. Apparently, everybody gives him their salad at lunchtime. It’s something he’s known for. I have trouble selling salads to him at home. It’s the dressing. He likes french dressing and ranch dressing. I don’t generally dress my salads with creamy dressings, but I was willing to give it a try, for Isaac. So I made this creamy vegan dressing or dip. And he likes it! He ate salad, he ate carrots and broccoli dipped in it. And Malcolm likes it too! He ate it on a veggie burger as a sort of special sauce. It’s got almonds, smoked paprika, garlic and onions (sauteed, so they’re not too strong or bitter), a bit of honey, a bit of dijon. Spicy, sweet, smoky and delicious!

Here’s a link to the children’s voices playlist…I’ll make it collaborative, so feel free to add what you like! I haven’t gotten very far with it and I need some help!

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Blueberry and meyer lemon cake

Blueberry meyer lemon cake

Blueberry meyer lemon cake

Here at The Ordinary, we have words in great store. We keep them in packets, in boxes, in trunks. We have marble vaults for the cool words that melt in the warmth. Hot words are kept in toasty nests lined with downy feathers. We’re waiting for them to hatch. Whole phrases are stored in coils – pull on the first, and a wondrous surprising chain of words will follow it out of its lair. Fully-formed sentences, with giddily precise punctuation, lie in furrows in our greenhouses, buried in soft soil, watered every morning, waiting to sprout. Rows of dusty drawers in sheds and old shacks contain words in a jumble. They were labeled once, and organized, but now they’re tossed in any old way, and rarely used. We have carefully guarded collections of curious old words, elaborate, intriguing, well-wrought. We’ve forgotten how to use them! We can only guess at their original function. And, of course, we have small words all around us, falling constantly, as light and icy as snow. They make the world seem strangely quiet, despite their great number. They melt to nothing as soon as they touch us. We have rooms full of useful words, close to hand, which we take out each and every day. And words for special occasions, carefully preserved in tissue paper, to be unwrapped when we need them most. The boys have words, too, piled in any which way in jumbles on their desks and under their beds. Words that they’ve invented themselves, that they throw around with giddy grace. Well, we have words, everywhere you look, seeping out of every crack in the plaster. And yet, oddly, we sometimes have nothing to say! We’re at a loss for them, and we don’t know how to put them together. We don’t know which goes with which – in what order, to what purpose?

This is a simple cake. A cake you can have with a cup of coffee in the morning, a cup of tea in the afternoon, or a glass of wine after dinner. We always have something like this around the house! Some little sweet thing in the cupboard. It’s easy to make, and nice to eat. Meyer lemon zest, when baked, has a lovely piney flavor. Combined with the sweet tart citrussy kick of the juice, a few spoonfuls of marmalade, and a handful of fresh blueberries, this was a pleasantly juicy cake, with an unusual flavor.

Here’s Billie Holiday with Too Marvelous for Words.

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Hazelnut sage cracker fans stacked with roasted mushrooms, french lentils and chard

Hazelnut cracker stacker

Hazelnut cracker stacker

Isaac gave me a card for valentine’s day. It’s got a three-dimensional heart made of red tissue paper flowers, and it says “my heart belongs to you.” Sweet. A fairly traditional valentine’s day sentiment. Nicely made card. It undid me! I get weepy when I think about it! The thought of my Isaac’s heart – so sweet and generous, odd and contrary, so singularly Isaac – the thought that it’s mine, at least in part, threw me for a loop. The gift and the responsibility of being loved by both my boys is almost overwhelming, if I stop to think about it, and my lovely card made me do just that. I like the word, “unmanned.” It’s an old-fashioned term, I know, but I like to think about men striving to be manly, working to be strong and just and mature. And I like the idea that, in an instant, some emotional force can dissolve all of that, and leave him feeling like a boy, raw and bewildered. Sometimes I feel “unwomanned.” I don’t walk through the world thinking about being a woman or a mother. Honestly, despite my advanced and advancing years, I don’t really feel old enough, most of the time. Being a mother is a fairly common pastime. Everyone in the world has one. But when you take a moment to consider motherhood, it’s awesome, it’s terrifying, it’s wonderful. Isaac’s heart belongs to me, and I made that heart! And I’m responsible for keeping him healthy, and feeding him good foods that will help that heart to grow. I work to be strong and just and mature – to be worthy of the boys’ love; to be a good example for them; to give them some core of conviction and kindness. But sometimes it feels as though all of that falls away in a moment – not in a bad way, but in a way that makes me feel more awake, more keenly aware of my power and privilege in being important to the boys. Last summer Isaac had an echocardiogram. I sat with him for an hour in a darkened room, while we watched the workings of each inch of his beautiful beating heart. It was almost too much information. I felt undone, but I had to be collected when the lights came on – I had to listen attentively, ask relevant questions, reassure Isaac, and answer his sweet anxious worries. It’s such a strange world! We all walk around each day with our hearts working so inexplicably and so persistently, and with those hearts we love people, so inexplicably and so fervently. And we can’t even think about it, or we’d be so overwhelmed we’d never get out of bed!

Hazelnut crackers stacked with chard and roasted mushrooms

Hazelnut crackers stacked with chard and roasted mushrooms

Last night, for valentine’s day, we took some time off. I made a special, strange meal. We ate together and talked together, and we let everything slide. We missed a basketball game and a meeting. We cuddled on the couch and watched a movie, and decided to skip the showers and the evening reading. It feels good to be irresponsible, some times! And, guess what? I’m a mother, so if I say it’s okay, it’s okay!! It was a really nice night. And the dinner was strange! I wanted to make something a little fancy, and less pedestrian than my usual fare. So I made some large fan-shaped crispy crackers, flavored with sage and smoked paprika, and crunchy with hazelnuts. I piled these with layers of sauteed chard, roasted mushroom & french lentil puree, cheese, and whole, small roasted mushrooms. It was very fun to make, and very fun to eat, too! I thought all of the flavors and textures were nice, altogether. I used my 8-ish inch tart pan ring to cut the dough into fluted circles, and then I cut those into quarters. You could use a medium-sized bowl with a thin edge. Or just cut it freehand with a knife. Or make circles instead of fans, by cutting with a large glass. Whatever, man!

Here’s My Heart, by Louis Armstrong. It’s bright and cheerful and serious and thoughtful at the same time, like my Isaac.
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Crepes with spinach, pecans, tart cherries and gjetost cheese

Spinach, tart cherry and gjetost crepes

Spinach, tart cherry and gjetost crepes

Happy valentine’s day, everybody. Here’s a love story for you. Once there was a person named Claire. She was skinny and odd-looking with wispy blond hair, and she dressed like an old blues musician. An old male blues musician. She was twenty-three, but she didn’t know what that meant, the foolish child, because she’d never been forty-three yet. In May spring came to her dirty little city just as it came to all the greener and pleasanter places of the world. Claire walked around town constantly, and she loved the hopeful light, and the warm, sweet air, sweet with more than the fumes of the local candy factory, this time of year. And she started to notice a boy named David. He was a strapping fellow, with sideburns and doc martens and huge blue-green eyes with gold in the center. She started to see him everywhere, and she talked to him, from time-to-time, when circumstances and her wildly beating heart allowed. He didn’t seem all that interested, but she was fairly persistent, and one evening her mischievous roommate, Big Dan, to Claire’s terror and delight, asked David if he’d like to go on a bike ride with them next morning. They went to a towpath, with fields stretching for miles on either side – fields awakening with spring, fragrant with grass and wet dirt and expectation. They couldn’t know that this towpath connected, miles and miles away, with one that they would live along in their own house, with their own family, years from now. David didn’t need to be the fastest or ride the farthest, and he noticed everything – the turtles and frogs and snakes. The trees were full of birds, bright tanagers and warblers and orioles, singing their hearts out. But David and Claire didn’t know that, yet. They did not yet recognize the songs, or know to look for the sweet swift movements in the shifting leaves, just as they couldn’t know about the hours and days and years of love and joy and pleasure they would share, or of their own two bright boys, who would run along the towpath, singing their hearts out. They couldn’t know that yet, but it was there. That very night, Claire went to a party at David’s apartment. He stayed by her side the whole time. He said, “Do you want to see the art?” and laughed, but there was art, everywhere. And his room was like a museum, full of odd and interesting things. He was shy, but never awkward. He didn’t talk much, but what he said was always thoughtful or witty. A drunk Russian boy fell down in the kitchen, and a Joycian scholar took umbrage when Claire described Joyce as an awkward adolescent. At 3 am, David walked Claire to her car. They looked for Orion in the sky, but the hazy warm lights of the city obscured the stars. David said I bet we could see Orion from the field by the towpath. Claire drove through a red light on the way, and didn’t even notice. David laughed and said, “no cop, no stop.” At the field they joked about ghostly deer. David asked if Claire saw any shooting stars. She looked up in the sky and a star shot across it. The first she’d ever seen. He asked if she saw any more, and she saw another. David, who was quite a bit taller, lifted her off the ground and kissed her. Years and years later, Claire, who never stopped thinking and never stopped talking, pondered the appeal of Jane Eyre and Pride and Prejudice. Why do we get so much pleasure from reading and re-reading these romances with happy endings? She asked. Well, you’re living in one, said David.

Arugula, gjetost and castelvetrano salad

Arugula, gjetost and castelvetrano salad

And day after day, year after year, David gratefully and happily ate all the strange food that Claire put on the table. Even if it had odd combinations like spinach, tart cherries and gjetost cheese. Everybody is talking about gjetost cheese, at the moment (or brunost if you prefer) because its publicist wisely had it catch on fire by the truckload in a tunnel. It’s a dense sweet, caramelly cheese. I’ve heard it described as having umami flavors, and it does. It’s very intensely weirdly wonderful. It takes a bit of getting used to, but it’s oddly addictive. The first time we tried it, we paired it with salty bright castelvetrano olives in a salad with arugula and pecans. Nice. The next night I made crepes and filled them with spinach, tart cherries, and a combination of sharp cheddar and gjetost cheese. An odd combination, but I liked it! I love greens with raisins, so I thought cherries would be a sort of logical next step. And the caramelly gjetost went nicely with the browned-butter flavor of the crepes. And that’s that!

Here’s Mellow Mood, by Bob Marley. It’s our song.

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Salt-sprinkled pastry cake (with chocolate almond filling)

Salt-sprinkled pastry cake

Salt-sprinkled pastry cake

In my dream this morning, I made a film. I haven’t made a film in nearly thirteen years, and like all neglected things, films frequently work their way into my dreams. Unlike most forsaken activities, my dream films aren’t the source of anxiety. They don’t appear as starving pets I’ve forgotten to feed, or children I’ve abandoned somewhere, or tests I haven’t studied for. My dream films are perfect. They’re strange, of course, because they follow a dream logic, which makes them odder and better than surreal films, which are frequently too carefully calculated to be very honest or beautiful. My films look exactly the way I want them to look, each frame so lovely it’s sealed in glass. And they say exactly what I want them to say. In real life I don’t have anything interesting to say, but I never stop talking (you may have noticed!). In my films I have a perfect thing to say, and I say it perfectly, with grace and space and spirit. In my dreams, my films are never finished, but a large portion is done, and done well, and frequently I have an epiphany on just how I’ll finish it. It’s good to wake from these dreams – I wake happy, but a little disappointed, of course, because there is no film. We saw Sleepwalk with Me last night, and the main character says this, “I really feel like our whole lives, no matter how low our self esteem gets, there’s a part of us that thinks, ‘I have a secret, special skill that no one knows about.'” Well, I know what he means. I remember in high school having this talk with a friend. She was sure, she knew without a doubt, but in a way that she couldn’t even talk about, she knew that one day she’d be a successful musician. And I knew that one day I’d be a writer, a good and important writer. I’d write novels or plays, and they’d be beautiful and everyone would like them. And I’d make films, too. Perfect films. Don’t laugh, but when I was in my twenties, working on my first film, I was walking down the street feeling good. I had bright red nail polish on, and I remember imagining the New York Times reporter who was interviewing me – you know, the one who was interviewing me because of my brilliantly received film – I imagined her mentioning my bright red nail polish. I’m just not so sure any more, about having the special secret skill, but I guess my sleeping brain thinks I do. I wonder when you lose that faith in yourself. I’ve started novels, and been in a passion of hopefulness about them, only to find myself one day holding reams of paper that suddenly feel like wasted paper, with wasted words representing many wasted hours. And my films took about three years each, start to finish, but I was in love with them the whole time. You have to be! And now I watch them, I see where they’re flawed. At times that’s all I can see. It can leave you feeling very discouraged! Very scared to try! I hope nobody tells my dream self! And thank god for my boys, because they don’t have just one secret special skill, they have every skill in the whole world! They can be anything they want and they’re going to be wonderful at whatever they try.

salted top cake

salted top cake

Last week I mentioned Joan Aiken’s Go Saddle the Sea, and I quoted a passage in which she mentioned a pastry cake with salt sprinkled on top. Well! That image, of a pastry cake with salt sprinkled on top, has haunted me ever since. What is a pastry cake? I can’t find a recipe for one anywhere. Is it pastry or is it cake? I could just see it! I could just taste it! So I decided to make it. I made a pastry type of dough, with mostly butter and flour, but I added an egg and some vanilla and leavening. Then I rolled it into thin layers, stacked on top of one another, to give it an airiness of sorts (I hoped). Then I made a filling of ground almonds, bittersweet chocolate, cinnamon and sweetened condensed milk, because I thought it would be nice and dark and spicy and caramelly, and go well with the salty top. I was so pleased with this stupid cake. I took it out of the oven and it was love at first scent. It smelled sweet and complicated. It has a pleasant weight, but felt a bit hollow, too, which was a good sign because I was worried it wouldn’t have cooked all the way through and would be damp and unpleasant. I waited a while to cut into it, in a fever of anticipation and worry. It’s lovely! It’s like a big cookie with a wonderful filling, and a top crusty with sparkling sugar and salt. I’m very happy about it!

Here’s Darn That Dream by Billie Holiday, which I used in one of my first short films.

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Spinach and mozzarella cake

Spinach mozzarella cake

Spinach mozzarella cake

“I think all theories are suspect, that the finest principles may have to be modified, or may even be pulverized by the demands of life, and that one must find, therefore, one’s own moral center and move through the world hoping that this center will guide one aright.”- James Baldwin
Well, I love this quote! I’d been thinking about these things – the mutability of morality, the shifting quality of truth, the unreliability of words. It struck me as so similar to Emerson’s “A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesmen and philosophers and divines. With consistency a great soul has simply nothing to do. He may as well concern himself with his shadow on the wall. Speak what you think now in hard words, and to-morrow speak what to-morrow thinks in hard words again, though it contradict every thing you said to-day” (Thank you, universe, for making everything connect.) I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – I’m a very vague person, I’m blurry at the edges, and I see the world this way. I think it’s dangerous to decide the world is a certain way, and that we have to act in a certain way in the world, according to a strict set of rules. The idea that morality should come from within – that we need a core of strength despite the fact that the outlines are shifting – is so hopeful about humanity, but it’s a little frightening, too. It would be a comfort to believe that there’s some larger system to decide right and wrong – to reward the good and punish the wicked. But how often have these ideals been corrupted by the people that claim to interpret them for us? How dangerous it is to stubbornly hold onto conclusions to the point where we act out of habit, thoughtlessly, without consideration. How much better to constantly question, to actively seek answers, even though they might not exist in any definitive form, or they may shift and change the moment we catch up to them. And to struggle to express ourselves and share our thoughts, even though the words themselves are as transparent and mutable as water. The world is constantly changing, time is streaming by us, we’re never grown-up, we’re never done. It’s a silly notion, but I have a dream-like image of people as spirits, moving through the world, with some sort of light of truth inside of them, burning strong. What nonsense I’m spouting today! What extra-special foolishness! Happy shrove tuesday! A day that we confess our sins and eat pancakes! I like the idea of pancakes as absolution. I know it doesn’t quite work that way, but it’s a nice notion, anyway. I believe the original habit of pancake-eating on shrove Tuesday began as a way to use up all the fat and sugar in the cupboard before then lenten fast began. Or, more likely, it was because it was February, and everybody wanted something simple and comforting. Like this Seussically green, fat, cheesy pancake! We had some saucy chili left over, and I wanted something to eat it with. Something the boys would like, that would contain vegetables and protein, but in a non-objectionable way. And so we have this cake. It has some almonds, for flavor, texture and protein. It’s got flavorful herbs, it’s got a bit of cheese. And it’s BRIGHT GREEN for spring. After all, supposedly “lenten” comes from the old English for long, because the days are getting longer at the moment, and have such a hopeful light about them!

Here’s The Meters with Mardi Gras Mambo.

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Empanadas with potatoes, black beans, spinach and smoked gouda

Potato and black bean empanadas

Potato and black bean empanadas

We saw the most beautiful movie the other day – The Maid, written and directed by Sebastian Silva. It isn’t stylistically gorgeous – it has the look of home videos from a decade or so ago – it is emotionally beautiful – full of honesty and grace and sly humor. Raquel, played by Catalina Saavedra in a remarkably precise, powerful and restrained performance – is the live-in maid for a middle class family in Chile. She’s been with them more than half of her life, their world is her world. She roams the house when everybody is gone, with vacuum and duster, but she has dominion over only a tiny portion, a cell-like bedroom that looks out onto the kitchen. She loves the family, and they love her, but with a stunted, confused sort of love that cannot express itself in real affection. She’s started to have horrible headaches and dizzy spells, so they decide to hire somebody to help her, despite her protestations. With a devastating blow of well-meaning cruelty, they give the new “girl” care of the kitchen and the food, thus taking away the source of Raquel’s comfort and power, the nexus between two worlds. This is the space where Raquel has control, where she is vitally important, the space from which she nurtures the family. When this is taken away from her, she doesn’t make life easy for the new maids, and the script cunningly plays on our expectations to suggest that we’re going to follow Raquel into a world of darkness and depravity. The manner in which these expectations are gratified or denied is a source of great film-watching joy, so I can’t say too much more without spoiling the film. I’ll just say that a few moments of exquisitely portrayed human connection, in all of its poignant confusion, happiness, and sorrow made this simple, understated tale of an ordinary woman one of the most powerful films I’ve seen in a long while. Honestly, I’ve put off writing about it all day because I can’t do it justice!

I know they have empanadas in Chile, but I don’t suppose they have any like these! I thought of them as a sort of cross between samosas and empanadas. So they have potatoes and peas (comforting and bright!) and they have smoky paprika, smoked gouda, spinach, and earthy black beans. The crunchy crust is made with masa harina, cayenne and black pepper. These were really delicious! I felt proud of them, and happy with the combination of flavors.

Here’s Ayayayay by Pedro Piedra from The Maid’s soundtrack.

And here’s Promesas by Los Mono, which is a video I was very taken with a few years ago. Turns out Sebastian Silva is Los Mono! Who knew?!?!
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