Cadbury mini-egg ice cream

Cadbury mini egg ice cream

Cadbury mini egg ice cream

We bought Malcolm a suit. Why did we buy him a suit? Don’t we know that he won’t wear it very often, take very good care of it, or fit in it for very long? Of course we do! Of course we know all those things! So why did we do it? I’m honestly not sure, but I’ve been thinking about it a lot. I think, maybe, we bought him a suit because he wanted one. Not that he brattily demanded one, and threw a tantrum, and wouldn’t let us rest until we agreed to buy him one. I don’t think he even expected one – he seemed surprised when I told him we were going shopping for it. The fact that he wanted to wear a suit seemed so sweet, and so cool in a way that’s just like Malcolm and no one else. He has a dance on Friday, and he told me he wanted to wear a suit to the dance. I asked if anyone else was wearing one, and he said, “I don’t care!” To me, that’s the very definition of coolness in a ten-year-old boy. Malcolm doesn’t dress like the average American ten-year-old. He has a real sense of style – not outlandish, but unique – it might be called “stylie ragamuffin.” I love this about Malcolm! I love to think about him thinking about what he’ll wear, because he’s not anxious about getting it right, he’s cheerful about it, and if he wants to wear it, it is right. He’s got style with ease, baby. He’s fond of certain clothes, and he’s happy in them. Of course he didn’t want the kind of suit kids wear to school dances. He wanted the kind of suit the Blues Brothers wear, well, all the time. A mod suit, a hep suit, a timelessly suave suit. It was fun to hear him describe it, fun to watch him pick it out, and try it on, and walk around the house feeling good in it. Like all mothers, I think my own boys are the most beautiful in the world. And the thing about Malcolm is that he could wear anything. He could pull off any look, he could make any clothes look good. Not just because his healthy vegetarian diet has made him strapping and lean, but because he seems so comfortable in his body, so sure of his movements, so free and easy and strong. I worry about the years ahead, the teenage years when people try to make you feel bad about yourself and your clothes and your hair and your choices, and it’s easy to become an insecure basket case. This seems to be starting earlier and earlier these days. Lord, I hope Malcolm can maintain his breezy self-assurance, his imagination, his idiosyncratic taste in music and clothes and food. It’s such a powerful pleasure to watch as his tastes form and grow – to watch him enjoy and identify with things, to watch him become a person, his own person. We’ll send him out into the cold and critical world armed with our love and pride and looking sharp in his natty new suit.Malcolm-suit

It’s cadbury mini egg season! If you recall, last year I baked them into just about everything I made. This year, I decided to crush them up and put them in ice cream. It’s quite simple, really. A lovely vanilla ice cream, with varying sizes of crushed cadbury egg in it. We smashed some with a mortar and pestle, and Malcolm actually grated some with a hand grater. So you have large pieces – most of the egg, really, and smaller crunchy bits of shell. You could probably just put them in a bag and smash them lightly with a hammer!

Here’s The Beastie Boys with The New Style
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Almond cake with chocolate chips and ginger

Almond cake with ginger and bittersweet chocolate chips

Almond cake with ginger and bittersweet chocolate chips

Clio’s attitude towards fetching a ball is “I could, but why would I?” Some people might think this is a sign of stupidity, but I disagree. (And not just because I’m her biggest fan!) I think it’s funny that people take it as a sign of intelligence if an animal acts like a human, or in a way that a human wants them to behave. I had a theory when I was much younger. (I had lots of theories when I was younger, I had all sorts of philosophies to explain the universe. And then I grew up and realized that everything is too shifting and complicated to be explained.) My theory was this, this was the theory that was mine. I thought that animals were wiser than humans, and that the way that they understood to live in the world made more sense than the way that we did. A cow, for instance, who spends her day eating sweet grass, feeling the sun on her back, watching her world change subtly around her, thinking god-only-knows what thoughts behind her beautiful cow eyes, has everything figured out on a fundamental level better than, say, some girl that goes to school, and has her lunch packed in plastic, and learns what she’s told to learn by people who laugh at her for saying that cows are wiser than humans. The fools! And then they’ll say, yes, but what about the fact that people build highways and cities and cars and cure diseases! And the girl with the theory says, “That doesn’t prove anything! We created a lot of the pollutants and carcinogens that cause the diseases in the first place! And highways and cities bind up the world and hurt it, and make it impossible for us to understand the wild magical truth of nature, which is the only true religion! The electric lights of our homes blind us to the variations of the gradually changing sunlight and moonlight all around us! Our walls and windows make us immune to the cool winds that blow the stagnation from our brains and make us alive! The animals understand that, look into their eyes! They feel the beauty and truth of the world around them in a way that we will never understand, and that’s why they are wiser than we will ever be!” Yes, I was a very strange child, and I grew up to talk about my past self in the third person! So I think Clio is a wise child, and very smart not to fetch the ball, but to joyfully run after it and toss it around and drop it wherever she wants to.

My boys go through phases with food – they’ll love something for a while and eat it every day, and then one day, they just don’t want it any more. It takes me a while to catch onto these mood swings, so I often find myself buying something they used to like, and then having to figure out some other way to use it up when they reject it. One such item is vanilla yogurt. Malcolm used to eat it by the tub, so I’d buy a big carton of it, and he’d scarf his way through it in no time. Lately he hasn’t wanted it. So I decided to use it in a cake. Yogurt makes cakes nice and dense, and I combined it, in this instance, with almonds. I whirled the almonds and yogurt together in the blender until they were perfectly smooth and creamy. This cake also has candied ginger, chocolate chips, and a few spoonfuls of marmalade, so it’s a lovely cake, simple, but complexly flavored. Comforting yet piquant. If you don’t have vanilla yogurt, you can use plain, but you might want to add an extra smidge of vanilla flavoring, and be generous when you measure the sugar.

Here’s Done by the Forces of Nature by the Jungle Brothers

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Vanilla ice cream with salty chocolate-toasted almond bark & Maple-spice ice cream with shaved chocolate

vanilla ice cream with salty toasted almond bark

vanilla ice cream with salty toasted almond bark

CAPTAIN’S LOG:
We’re breaking down! Tempers are flaring, the crew is becoming ragged and moody, crying one moment and laughing the next. Fits of pique! Excessive displays of spleeniness! We’ve entered day four of our excursion. Tuesday afternoon we left the SS Ordinary in our rickety couch-shaped vessel, possessed only of a spiderman blanket, a pillow, a grey puppy, a stack of books, a set of colored pencils, snacks and drinks, medicaments, philtres and tinctures, and a vat of lego bricks with which to fashion a new vessel, if the puppy tears too many holes in our current conveyance. And now that the fever had broken, and the quarantine will surely be lifted, the crew is falling to pieces!
Sigh. It’s not so bad, of course. It all started when I said Isaac should turn off the cartoons and do a little of the homework that was sent home. What? NO! He’s sick! His belly hurts, he HAS to watch cartoons, IT’S A BLATANT BREACH OF SICKDAY RIGHTS! ACTION WILL BE TAKEN! In the form of tears and foot stamping. Isaac tried to have a tantrum, I think probably in imitation of certain other members of the family. He can’t really maintain it, though. He can’t stop himself from giggling if you say anything remotely funny, and that spoils the whole effect. Everybody should have to spend a week with Isaac, cast adrift from real life on a messy couch, through drizzly rain and weak winter sunlight, through brief hopeful pools of afternoon warmth and quickening dusky winds. People come home from work and school, and leave again, and we sit on the couch, watching it all go by. It’s a rare pleasure.
Isaac and James & the Wolf

Isaac and James & the Wolf

Isaac and I made a book. We gave it a cardboard and gaffer tape binding, and I broke a needle in two places trying to sew the pages through the tape. Isaac dictated, I wrote the words, and Isaac illustrated. It tells the story of a boy named James. He lives in the forest with a pack of vegetarian wolves who like to snuggle with him. (“Really?” David said, upon reading this part, “Isaac came up with that? Because it sounds suspiciously Claire-y to me.” It’s all Isaac, I swear! Of course, I made Isaac….) Let’s see, where were we? Ah yes, one day, Black Fur the wolf goes across the river to pick raspberries. A pack of non-vegetarian wolves surrounds him and tells him he should eat his friend James, because human boys are delicious. Suddenly, James and his wolves come up to the raspberry patch! (In a stunning twist nobody could have predicted, James is riding on a giant squirrel-dog named Scog.) James goes rushing at the leader of the other wolves, who is understandably afraid, but rather than hurt him, he feeds him a cake made of nuts, raspberries and leaves. Why, it’s delicious! All the wolves become vegetarian and they spend their days helping each other find food and making meals together. And that’s how it goes. The End.

Maple spice ice cream with grated chocolate

Maple spice ice cream with grated chocolate

We also made ice cream. I always bake with the boys when they’re home sick (if they’re up to it). It’s so companionable and comforting, and they have such surprising and tasty inspirations. Isaac and I wanted to make ice cream. He wanted to make “crispy ice cream.” So we had to decide what that meant. Isaac wanted to add almonds, I wanted to add chocolate. I remembered that we’d made some delicious chocolate almond bark last month, so we made that and dropped large pieces into the ice cream as it froze. So good! I toasted the almonds to deepen their flavor, and we put a sprinkle of sea salt on top. And the other week, as you may recall, Malcolm and I were playing with a hand grater and some chocolate chips. We wanted to see what the fine powdery slivers of chocolate would be like in ice cream instead of chocolate chips, so we made a simple maple spice ice cream to test it out in. Also so good!!

Here’s Precious Precious, by fellow Isaac, Isaac Hayes

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Malcolm’s hazelnut almond chocolate cookies

Almond, hazelnut chocolate cookie

Almond, hazelnut chocolate cookie

When I was little, I was very curious, I was a messer, I liked to invent things, and I liked strange gadgets. Our Malcolm has inherited all of these traits, for better or for worse. I used to beg my parents for odd devices from cooking catalogs, and they’ve all ended in a jumble in a drawer in my kitchen. It should come as no surprise that Malcolm likes to go through the drawer. He had the day off school, Monday, and I found him in the kitchen playing with two ancient hand-cranked graters. (Why did I have two? I don’t know! I don’t even remember what I used them for!) Malcolm’s plan was to grate crackers into the dog’s bowl. My first reaction was of terrible iration (shouldn’t that be a word?!?!) And then I said, no, let’s actually use the grater, to grate food that according to my foggy memory, it was designed to grate. malcolm-chocolateSo he grated some almonds. And then he used his messer-ingenuity to devise a method of attaching the grater to a cutting board for more control. And then he grated hazelnuts. And then I said, ah yes! I remember it can be used for chocolate. So he grated chocolate. malcolm-graterIt was such good fun! And he created mounds of lovely soft, fine nuts and chocolate. We decided to make cookies. Or cakes. Cookie-cakes! And as we sat eating them after dinner, I realized that it was Monday, not Sunday, so the homework we planned to put off because it wasn’t due till Tuesday was due the next day…and that brings us to “pro-social others.” As part of Malcolm’s drug awareness and education class, we do worksheets together as a family. (I should start by saying that I’m glad he’s taking the class and I’m fine with the group activity-quality of it all! Although I don’t see why they can’t just have an assembly with a taciturn policeman showing slides of OD corpses and cocaine-ravaged septums, like when we were young. You know it worked because nobody in my high school ever did drugs.) The language of the worksheets is often very jargonny and difficult to wade through for meaning, but they’re so earnestly well-intentioned that it’s hard to be critical. And some of the scenarios are a little advanced for a ten-year-old, (I can’t imagine him shopping by himself at a mall any time soon!) but that’s okay, they’re starting early. But this phrase, pro-social others, it really bothers me!! I’m no fan of the redundantly, sales-gimmicky, self-help-y word “proactive,” but pro-social seems to have more meaning than that. Apparently it came about in the 80s (did anything good come out of the 80s?) as an antonym for anti-social. It means altruistic, other-oriented, helpful, intended to create social acceptance and friendship. Lord, I love the idea of altruism and helpfulness. I’d like to imagine and encourage such a society, I’d like Malcolm to join the ranks of happy friendly people. But “pro-social others” sounds so robotic, so unfriendly and inhuman. It sounds like a phrase invented to fool us into forgetting the real words. It sounds as if you can somehow control who your children become friends with, or order them perfect, socially accepted friends from a catalog. I genuinely hope that Malcolm doesn’t ever do drugs. He’s so curious and fearless that I worry for him, sometimes. I hope he’s strong enough in himself to resist peer pressure. But surely part of that is to encourage a little bit of rebel in him, to applaud the ability to question convention and to make the decision to be anti-social when the society you find yourself in is unkind or dangerous. It’s funny how everything these days seems to boil down to my wish for my boys. I love to see them with their friends, walking slowly, heads inclined toward each other as they discuss some serious mystery; leaping happily in the air on the street corner before school, pumping their arms and trying to get trucks to honk. Of course my wish for them is to have many friends, and to have interesting friends, and to have good friends. I hope they’ll be strong enough to help friends out of trouble rather than follow them into it. I hope they’ll be able to side-step pettiness and meanness. I hope they’ll experiment with paint or pastry dough instead of hard drugs. I hope they never have an aching empty hole they feel they can’t fill. As we sat discussing the worksheet, and I told Malcolm I hope he won’t ever do drugs, he pointed to my glass of wine, with a smile. “You drive me to it lad!” I yelled! No I didn’t, of course I didn’t. I said, “well, it’s social, and legal, and in moderation.” And he said he hoped that he could have a glass of wine with us someday. And I do, too! I look forward to that as well. To making a dinner with Malcolm, who is always the most fun to cook with, and having a glass of wine, and hearing about his life, wherever in the world it takes him, and hearing about the people that he loves and that love him!malcolm's-cookie

Here’s a little playlist Malcolm put together that we’ve been listening incessantly to lately. It will always remind me of these days! (Sweary language alert!!)
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Port wine – cherry ice cream with spicy bittersweet chocolate – cherry bark

Port wine cherry ice cream

Port wine cherry ice cream

Film critic André Bazin passed away in the process of writing a book about the films of his friend, Jean Renoir. François Truffaut completed the work, organizing Bazin’s writings as he thought best. I can’t tell you how moving I find this book! Not because it contains fiercely intelligent and observant film criticism that makes you see Renoir’s films in a clearer light, although it certainly does that. This book kills me because these men love each other so much, and their affection shines off the pages like a warm, infectious glow. In his introduction, Truffaut warns, “No one should expect me to introduce this book with caution, detachment, or equanimity. André Bazin and Jean Renoir have meant too much to me for me to be able to speak of them dispassionately… André Bazin, whom his friends remember as an extraordinary man full of joyous goodwill and intelligence, found himself in complete sympathy with the work of Renoir…” Renoir, in his turn, wrote of Bazin’s writings, “Certain directors of films, whose work André Bazin analyzed so scrupulously, will only remain in man’s memory because their names will be read in his books. Their worth is not in question. To tell the truth, it matters little to me. I’m grateful to them for having inspired a clear poet, an artist who, by dint of objective humility, made his work the moving expression of his generous personality.” And, of course, time and time again, the word that crops up to describe Jean Renoir’s films is “generous.” He’s kind to his characters, we feel that he loves them – even the characters that we don’t particularly like. In Bazin’s words, “Even when defending a particular moral or social truth, he always does justice to the men who oppose this truth and to their ideals as well. He gives every chance to ideas, and every chance to individuals.” I believe that such generosity, such affection for all of the characters is necessary for any great work of art. This needn’t imply a saccharine avoidance of life’s harsher moments, nor need it come at the expense of honesty. In fact, in pouring one’s soul into the work in a sort of communion with the characters, an artist creates a more resonant recognizable portrait of life. I think this is true of literature, painting, film, music – any medium that struggles to explore what it means to be human, in all of our messy interaction with each other and with the world around us. As Renoir says in the role of Octave in Rules of the Game, “…everyone has his reasons.” I must admit I feel very envious of Renoir, Bazin and Truffaut! I envy their attachment to each other and to film. I envy a world in which writing about films talking about films and making films was so important, and carried out with such warm hearts. Is there a place for that in this world any more? Bazin believed that critics should only discuss films that they liked. It’s so easy to be critical and snide, we see it all around us. It’s so easy to create characters who are shockingly evil, with no soul and no redeeming qualities, we see it in all the most successful films. That’s what sells, and the market has become everything. Renoir describes his love for Bazin in a wistful, prophetic, and bittersweet introduction to the book. “The more I travel through life, the more I am convinced that masks are proliferating…the modern world is founded on the ever increasing production of material goods. One must keep producing or die…One prefers that this process be peaceful, but events have a way of getting out of hand. This is an age of violence, and it is likely to become more so. Still we do everything we can to conduct our operation peacefully, to conquer by persuasion. And thus, the cancer of our society: advertising. Occasionally in such troubled times, men or women come forth to dedicate themselves to helping us reestablish a sense of reality. Bazin was such a man.” It seems harder than ever, today, to see past the masks and the advertising, the petty criticism and shallow cruelty. Luckily we have the films of Renoir and Truffaut, and the writing of Andre Bazin to remind us to be generous and kind.

This ice cream was sooooo good! We ate it on valentine’s day, and it was a special dessert just for David and me. I’m not sure the port wine cooked off, because I felt pleasantly giddy after a few bowls! Basically, this is a port wine zabiglione (I love that word!) with some spiciness from cinnamon and black pepper, and some fruitiness from a few spoonfuls of good cherry jam. It’s mixed with lightly whipped cream, and frozen in an ice cream maker of any make or variety. And I served it with “bark” made of bittersweet chocolate, almonds, dried tart cherries, cayenne and cinnamon – crunchy, soft and kicky, all at once, nicely in concert and contrast with the flavor and texture of the ice cream. You could easily add anything you like to the bark (nuts, bolts, needles and pins…) any kind of dried fruit, any kind of nut, candied ginger, lemon peel, nutmeg, cardamom, coconut, whatever suits your fancy!

Here’s Louis Armstrong with Basin Street Blues. Why? Because Basin sounds like Bazin, of course! And because Louis Armstrong seems like another kind and generous spirit.
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Claire’s delicious failure cookies (with hazelnuts and chocolate chips)

chocolate chip hazelnut cookies

chocolate chip hazelnut cookies

I like to be au fait with the current slang stylings of the kids these days. I like to stay au courant. That’s just how I roll, so don’t go there, LOL. I’m lying, of course. I’m a curmudgeon, so I have little tolerance for trendy words and phrases. And I have to say that one of my least favorite at the moment is “fail” as a noun. I think it’s a fail, an epic fail. It’s such a glib and lazy way to write off humanity as tasteless and stupid. If you’re going to be broadly judgmental about the intelligence of others, at least make an effort – at least don’t speak stupidly yourself! Oh, I’ve seen the website that started it all (I suppose). I’ve had a mean-spirited chuckle at misspellings and foolish sartorial choices, at unfortunate lack of planning or precaution. It strikes me as sad that it’s spawned a culture of snarky negativity. Teasing is too easy, in the age of mechanical reproduction in a virtual universe. It’s too easy to form a giant anonymous mob, peddling petty criticism and public humiliation, with no thought or wit. Of course, my idea of failure and success is somewhat skewed, anyway! I’d like to applaud people for trying, for making an effort each day to stay alive and be cheerful, and make others around them as happy as possible. With Bob Rossian optimism, I’d like to see potential failures as “happy accidents.” So don’t be afraid to try, people! And if somebody tries to mock you for your effort, demand that they at least be a little clever and witty about it! Luckily, I’m not a surgeon or an air-traffic controller! I’m a cooking enthusiast, and I’d say there’s no other realm in which a potential failure can be turned around into an unexpected success. I’m always waiting for the moment that I take a wrong turn in the kitchen and invent a brilliant new culinary technique. Viz: these cookies. I had four egg whites left over. I thought to myself, surely I can make some meringues or macarons, because that’s something that people do, and I’m a person (most of the time.) So I set to work, and … everything went wrong. I put hazelnuts on to toast and then went upstairs and forgot about them. I tried to beat the egg whites by hand, which worked famously for a few minutes, and then didn’t work at all. I put a bowl under the faucet and then went outside and forgot about it and flooded the sink. The more I beat the egg whites, the flatter they got. I thought to myself, “Claire, you know you’re not patient or careful enough to make anything that requires attention!” I was feeling down and discouraged, anyway. I left a bowl of egg whites and sugar on the counter and just walked away, in a rotten mood. And then I got to thinking…why not just make some regular sort of cookies. Add a bit of flour, a bit of butter, some nuts and chocolate. Why shouldn’t they be delicious anyway? And guess what!?! They are!! They’re some of the best cookies I’ve ever made! They have a light crispy texture, with just a hint of chewiness inside. They have a lovely flaky top – like brownies. And they have a nice flavor, too. I like them better than any old macarons! fail-cookies

Here’s Bob Dylan with Love Minus Zero/No Limit. She knows there’s no success like failure.

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Salt-sprinkled pastry cake (with chocolate almond filling)

Salt-sprinkled pastry cake

Salt-sprinkled pastry cake

In my dream this morning, I made a film. I haven’t made a film in nearly thirteen years, and like all neglected things, films frequently work their way into my dreams. Unlike most forsaken activities, my dream films aren’t the source of anxiety. They don’t appear as starving pets I’ve forgotten to feed, or children I’ve abandoned somewhere, or tests I haven’t studied for. My dream films are perfect. They’re strange, of course, because they follow a dream logic, which makes them odder and better than surreal films, which are frequently too carefully calculated to be very honest or beautiful. My films look exactly the way I want them to look, each frame so lovely it’s sealed in glass. And they say exactly what I want them to say. In real life I don’t have anything interesting to say, but I never stop talking (you may have noticed!). In my films I have a perfect thing to say, and I say it perfectly, with grace and space and spirit. In my dreams, my films are never finished, but a large portion is done, and done well, and frequently I have an epiphany on just how I’ll finish it. It’s good to wake from these dreams – I wake happy, but a little disappointed, of course, because there is no film. We saw Sleepwalk with Me last night, and the main character says this, “I really feel like our whole lives, no matter how low our self esteem gets, there’s a part of us that thinks, ‘I have a secret, special skill that no one knows about.'” Well, I know what he means. I remember in high school having this talk with a friend. She was sure, she knew without a doubt, but in a way that she couldn’t even talk about, she knew that one day she’d be a successful musician. And I knew that one day I’d be a writer, a good and important writer. I’d write novels or plays, and they’d be beautiful and everyone would like them. And I’d make films, too. Perfect films. Don’t laugh, but when I was in my twenties, working on my first film, I was walking down the street feeling good. I had bright red nail polish on, and I remember imagining the New York Times reporter who was interviewing me – you know, the one who was interviewing me because of my brilliantly received film – I imagined her mentioning my bright red nail polish. I’m just not so sure any more, about having the special secret skill, but I guess my sleeping brain thinks I do. I wonder when you lose that faith in yourself. I’ve started novels, and been in a passion of hopefulness about them, only to find myself one day holding reams of paper that suddenly feel like wasted paper, with wasted words representing many wasted hours. And my films took about three years each, start to finish, but I was in love with them the whole time. You have to be! And now I watch them, I see where they’re flawed. At times that’s all I can see. It can leave you feeling very discouraged! Very scared to try! I hope nobody tells my dream self! And thank god for my boys, because they don’t have just one secret special skill, they have every skill in the whole world! They can be anything they want and they’re going to be wonderful at whatever they try.

salted top cake

salted top cake

Last week I mentioned Joan Aiken’s Go Saddle the Sea, and I quoted a passage in which she mentioned a pastry cake with salt sprinkled on top. Well! That image, of a pastry cake with salt sprinkled on top, has haunted me ever since. What is a pastry cake? I can’t find a recipe for one anywhere. Is it pastry or is it cake? I could just see it! I could just taste it! So I decided to make it. I made a pastry type of dough, with mostly butter and flour, but I added an egg and some vanilla and leavening. Then I rolled it into thin layers, stacked on top of one another, to give it an airiness of sorts (I hoped). Then I made a filling of ground almonds, bittersweet chocolate, cinnamon and sweetened condensed milk, because I thought it would be nice and dark and spicy and caramelly, and go well with the salty top. I was so pleased with this stupid cake. I took it out of the oven and it was love at first scent. It smelled sweet and complicated. It has a pleasant weight, but felt a bit hollow, too, which was a good sign because I was worried it wouldn’t have cooked all the way through and would be damp and unpleasant. I waited a while to cut into it, in a fever of anticipation and worry. It’s lovely! It’s like a big cookie with a wonderful filling, and a top crusty with sparkling sugar and salt. I’m very happy about it!

Here’s Darn That Dream by Billie Holiday, which I used in one of my first short films.

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Chocolate covered caramel cake and salty toffee ice cream

chocolate-caramel-cakeI was ridiculously excited this week to learn that a person can log into the OED online using … a library card number! I’m so tickled to think of my library card being as useful and valuable as a credit card – the key to uncovering unknown riches!! I think it’s awesome! (Full of awe, profoundly reverential. He did gie an awesome glance up at the auld castle.) I’m a logophile! I love words, I always have. The sound of them, their weight and flavor in your mouth, their shifting meanings. I’m a vague, blurry sort of person, and I’m more than comfortable with the instability and ambiguity of meaning – I’m delighted by it! I’m not clever enough myself to play with words, but I have endless admiration for those who do. My idea of a good time is to discover the hidden meanings behind language, and to see how much fun the author is having as they set you their riddles. Nabokov’s subject matter is often disturbing and depressing (to me) but his playfulness with language (with three languages!) is thrilling. “Haze, Dolores…What is it? The tender anonymity of this name with its formal veil (“Dolores”) and that abstract transposition of first name and surname, which is like a pair of new pale gloves or a mask? Is “Mask” the keyword? Is it because there is always delight in the semitranslucent mystery, the flowing charshaf, through which the flesh and the eye you alone are elected to know smile in passing at you alone? Or is it because I can imagine so well the rest of the colorful classroom around my dolorous and hazy darling…” Or fellow polyglot Tom Stoppard who bemoans the complexity and insubstantiality of language with loving relish…”Rosencrantz: What are you playing at? Guildenstern: Words, words. They’re all we have to go on.” And of course Stoppard is playing with the words of the writer most seemingly in love with words, one William Shakespeare. ““Lord Polonius: What do you read, my lord?/ Hamlet: Words, words, words./ Lord Polonius: What is the matter, my lord?/ Hamlet: Between who?/ Lord Polonius: I mean, the matter that you read, my lord.” I wish we gave words more weight and thought today, and didn’t devalue them as we sometimes do. Well, I wish that I did, anyway, to speak for myself!
I have to admit, though, that sometimes I find words overwhelming. I was going through some boxes in the attic the other day, and I found decades worth of notebooks and journals from every stage in my life. What a lunatic I am! Scribbles and notes and nonsense and sketches. Screenplays I filmed, screenplays I will never film. Stories I started, fell in love with, fell out of love with and never finished. Ideas for stories, random thoughts I penned while not trying to think of ideas for stories, usually in increasingly frantic and illegible handwriting. Little asides directed at whoever was sitting next to me as I wrote. Words words words!! No method, all madness! And why do I keep them? Why do I keep this dusty spider web of ink? I don’t know!! I should start a giant bonfire, and set the words free, to float into the air around us. If you’re a scribbler, you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about! And it’s not just my nonsense that overwhelms me, it’s other people’s words, too. In a bookstore or library, the sight of all of these collections of words, so carefully crafted and combined, so ardently arranged, now sitting quietly on some shelf or another, bursting at the bindings with stifled words. It wears me out to think about it! But it’s beautiful, too, these worlds of words, so easily misunderstood, so accidentally powerful, so tricky, so musical, so full of life. Words words words.

toffee ice cream

toffee ice cream

We live in the “Used bookstore district” of our small town, which means that there’s a bookstore next to us and one across the street. I love them both! I love the smell of paper and ink and dust. I love the very old books – gorgeous stately objects – I love the trashy paperbacks with crumbling pages and lurid covers. And I love the soft caramels they have in a bowl by the register at The Phoenix. Wrapped in gold foil, so creamy and buttery and ridiculously good! I’ve been in a few times in the last week or so, and I take one every time. I decided to try to recreate their deliciousness in different forms, because that’s what I do. So I started with a small jar of condensed milk, and the rest is history! I made this cake, which is chewy, crunchy, buttery and, yes, caramelly. The boys loved it! And then I decided to try the ice cream – I made it a tiny bit salty, and it has a wonderfully buttery quality, though there’s no actual butter in it. It tastes a bit like praline ice cream without the nuts. I’m addicted to it! It’s nice and creamy and melty, too.

And that’s more than my fair share of words for the day! Here’s Word Play by A Tribe Called Quest.

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Oatmeal chocolate chip cookies with ginger and marmalade

Oatmeal, chocolate chip, marmalade, ginger cookies

Oatmeal, chocolate chip, marmalade, ginger cookies

Happy birthday, Robert Burns! Surely Burns is another ordinary poet laureate. Born in poverty, mostly self-educated, called “the ploughman poet,” Burns wrote about lice and mice and love and revolution. His poems are simple, honest and direct, but full of music in their words and rhythms. He collected Scottish folk songs, and adapted these as poetry, and adapted his poems as songs. He spoke of the value of simple things and honesty over dissemblance and finery…

    What though on hamely fare we dine,
    Wear hoddin grey, an’ a’ that?
    Gie fools their silks, and knaves their wine,
    A man’s a man for a’ that.
    For a’ that, an’ a’ that,
    Their tinsel show, an’ a’ that,
    The honest man, tho’ e’er sae poor,
    Is king o’ men for a’ that.

And he prayed for a time when, the world over, we’d recognize the value of sense and worth, and me would live as equals, as brothers.

    Then let us pray that come it may,
    (As come it will for a’ that,)
    That Sense and Worth, o’er a’ the earth,
    Shall bear the gree, an’ a’ that.
    For a’ that, an’ a’ that,
    It’s comin yet for a’ that
    That man to man, the world o’er,
    Shall brithers be for a’ that.

One of my favorites, which makes me like Burns so much, is To a Mouse, on Turning Up Her Nest With a Plough, November 1785. It’s so sweet and specific, so compassionate and thoughtful, a gentle reflection on the value of all life, the universal anxiety of surviving winter’s hardships, and on memory and anticipation, as well. (But do mice remember? Do they look ahead? They might! We’d never know!)

    Wee, sleekit, cow’rin, tim’rous beastie,
    O, what a panic’s in thy breastie!
    Thou need na start awa sae hasty
    Wi bickering brattle!
    I wad be laith to rin an’ chase thee,
    Wi’ murdering pattle.

    I’m truly sorry man’s dominion
    Has broken Nature’s social union,
    An’ justifies that ill opinion
    Which makes thee startle
    At me, thy poor, earth born companion
    An’ fellow mortal!

    I doubt na, whyles, but thou may thieve;
    What then? poor beastie, thou maun live!
    A daimen icker in a thrave
    ‘S a sma’ request;
    I’ll get a blessin wi’ the lave,
    An’ never miss’t.

    Thy wee-bit housie, too, in ruin!
    It’s silly wa’s the win’s are strewin!
    An’ naething, now, to big a new ane,
    O’ foggage green!
    An’ bleak December’s win’s ensuin,
    Baith snell an’ keen!

    Thou saw the fields laid bare an’ waste,
    An’ weary winter comin fast,
    An’ cozie here, beneath the blast,
    Thou thought to dwell,
    Till crash! the cruel coulter past
    Out thro’ thy cell.

    That wee bit heap o’ leaves an’ stibble,
    Has cost thee monie a weary nibble!
    Now thou’s turned out, for a’ thy trouble,
    But house or hald,
    To thole the winter’s sleety dribble,
    An’ cranreuch cauld.

    But Mousie, thou art no thy lane,
    In proving foresight may be vain:
    The best-laid schemes o’ mice an’ men
    Gang aft agley,
    An’ lea’e us nought but grief an’ pain,
    For promis’d joy!

    Still thou are blest, compared wi’ me!
    The present only toucheth thee:
    But och! I backward cast my e’e,
    On prospects drear!
    An’ forward, tho’ I canna see,
    I guess an’ fear!

lacy cookie

lacy cookie

I’m not going to tell you about vegetarian haggis, because I did that last year. Instead, I’m going to tell you about these cookies. When I was making these cookies, I jokingly called them “Scottish cookies.” They’re not at all really. David’s grandparents are from Dundee and Motherwell, which makes Malcolm and Isaac Scottish, and when I want them to eat certain things, I’ll say, “You’re Scottish, you have to like it.” Amongst these things are oats and marmalade. Remember this joke?

    An English man and a Scottish man are sitting in the pub and the English fellow is teasing the Scot: ‘Isn’t it funny that you Scottish people eat so much porridge and oats? We only feed that stuff to the horses!’ ‘Aye’ replies the Scot, ‘that’s why the English have the finest horses, and the Scottish have the strongest men.’

And, according to my understanding, golden syrup was invented by a Scot as well. So these cookies have all those things. (And the boys did like them, they liked them very much indeed!) The first two batches I made didn’t have enough flour, and I had to literally scrape them off the pan in one big, delicious, crumbled mess of oats and chocolate, all caramelized and crispy. (We ate it all!) Once I’d added a bit more flour, the cookies held together better. They’re still light and crisp and lacy, and you have to let them sit for a minute before you take them off the sheet, and they’re absolutely delicious. They have a real caramelly, toffeeish quality.

A delicious mess!

A delicious mess!

Here’s Jean Redpath’s hauntingly simple rendition of Auld Lang Syne

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Shortbread cookies with secret chocolate chips (piped cookie recipe!)

shortbread---pipedThis is a difficult time of year, here at The Ordinary’s institute for cheerfulness studies. We haven’t seen the sun in weeks, and we keep reading articles about why certain days in January are the most miserable days of the year. (♫ It’s … the most … miserable time … of the year! ♪) It can be hard to keep the spirits up. But this morning, we think we might have developed a break-through method in merriness training. Like all discoveries, it happened by chance, in the field. Let me set the scene for you. It was a wet morning, the streets were slick and dark, the sidewalks a maze of mud and puddles. It was one of those days when the water seems to come up from the ground, or from the damp and despondent air, because there’s none falling from the sky. Isaac decided to take his brand new bright blue umbrella to school. Isaac is a slow walker at the best of times, but an umbrella makes him so slow he might as well be going backwards. He twirls it, he holds it ahead of him like a shield, he holds it behind him like a sail, he stops to pick at the broken parts, studying them intently. The only time it’s held above his head is when he charges forward a few steps and leaps, seeing if the umbrella will bear him aloft. He claims to have flown a few steps, and I have to tell you that I believe him. Now, I understand the value of cheerfulness. Most of the time I try, I make an effort. I know that people with a lot less reason to be cheerful than me do a much better job, and they are my heroes. But I fail miserably sometimes. This morning, for instance. Why does the dog need to pull my arm off to reach every fetid bit of garbage? Why does Isaac have to stall in the middle of the street? Why do my feet get so cold and wet? Why does his dizzy winding path lead him directly to every puddle, so that I have to imagine him sitting all day with cold wet feet, and think about how he’s got a cold coming on? Well, we finally made it to school, and it began to rain in earnest. Freezing rain that clung as ice to every slick surface. I gave Isaac a kiss and took his umbrella. I held it over my head, quite low and close, so that it became my whole world – and what a world – it was like moving in the world of Isaac’s imagination, radiant and joyful, my own private dome of bright blue sky. Umbrellas! The secret is umbrellas! Imbued with the buoyant thoughts of those who have held them! A traveling bubble of shelter and inspiration! Catch hold, and see if you don’t fly for a few steps! Here is further evidence to substantiate our findings, drawn from the extensive research of our colleagues. See if this doesn’t cheer you up…
1856_hiroshige_atake

Or this…
chrisrobin_pooh_umbrella

Or this (starting at 2:47)

piped shortbread cookies

piped shortbread cookies

Or little cookies shaped like umbrellas! I only just noticed that they’re shaped like umbrellas, so it’s a coincidence. Or maybe they’re shaped like the snails that come out after the rain. I was playing with my new piping bag toy, and I thought I’d make cookies. I used my fairly standard shortbread cookie recipe, with slight alterations so that it might hold its shape. I piped little nests (and littler nests) and then hid chocolate chips inside, and piped a top on. Because I’m crazy!! These cookies would be just as good if you mixed the chips right in and dropped them from a spoon onto the sheet, and they’d take a lot less time to make, but they’d be a lot less fun, too! I used salted butter and added a bit of salt, so they have a nice, salty, sweet, crunchiness to them.

Here’s Rihanna’s Umbrella.
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