
Eggplant, chard, and french lentils
Here at The Ordinary, we’ve developed a new secret serum to make your cares and worries melt away. After a great deal of research that involved many bottles of wine, a few dark-and-stormy-mojitoes (that’s rum, ginger beer, mint and lime), and the occasional cup of mint tea and honey, we have learned that we were searching in the wrong direction altogether! We are, at this time, prepared to unveil our secret discovery. It turns out, the answer is toad pee. Not taken orally, of course, but applied to the hands. Here’s how it all came about.
Let us say, hypothetically, that a mother might have an incredibly cranky day. She might find herself in a foul mood, unable to get anything done that she needs to, and faced at every turn with sassy, rude and constantly needy children. (Not you or I, of course, we’re speaking of an imaginary person here.) Let’s say this mother’s throat hurts from so much yelling, and she feels terrible about it, because obviously, it doesn’t work to yell, or she wouldn’t be doing so damned much of it. Let’s say this bad mood continues even when the boys spontaneously and beautifully break into a rendition of Shake Your Tail Feather at the exact same time as she sees a goldfinch in a puddle shaking his tail feathers. Let’s say this bad mood continues while she makes dinner, and gets worse after when she’s folding stupid laundry. And then the whole family decides to go for a walk. They start down a nature trail. It’s very dusky among the trees, even though it’s barely eight o’clock. Everything is green and bright and glowing in the evening light. Somebody says it’s a good time of day for screech owls. So the whole family tries to call them by imitating their wavering downward cry. They scare off every living thing for miles. It gets so dark they decide to leave the trail, and they walk up into the park. The oldest son says let’s walk over and look at the river. The dad says, “It’s a Magritte sky!” And it was! Pale as day above the trees, but the branches and trunks are black and shadowy, and across the river the lights of cars and buildings shine as if at night. The world is shifting, as they watch, from light to dark. They pass a giant elm tree – it would take all of their arms to circle it. And suddenly there are toads everywhere! Everybody catches at least one for each hand. The cranky mom is smitten! A toad pees on her hand, and she doesn’t care. The feeling of the tiny toad hands brushing against hers, and the soft toad nose butting against her palms as it tries to push its way out makes her so happy that she doesn’t mind anything any more. They walk over to the bridge, which is surrounded by bright sky but stretches into blackness, suspended between day and night. And then they hear the screech owls crying deep in the dark pool of trees.

Malcolm’s spicy tomato sauce
Well, I have no idea who that cranky mom was, but one thing that always makes me feel better when I’m irritable is cooking with the boys. The other night I had this whole meal planned out. Planned out to the last little pine nut, I tell you! And as I stood slicing my eggplant, Malcolm ran in determined to make a sauce with shallots, peppers and tomatoes. Okay, I said, that sounds good. Then Isaac jumped around saying, “What do I get to make?” What do you want to make? I asked. He peered in the vegetable drawer. “Carrots,” he replied, “And flavor dynamites.” He smelled a few spices. And these…(he had thyme, sage, smoked paprika and turmeric lined up.) Well, okay, I said, let’s get cooking. Malcolm’s sauce has cumin, smoked paprika, cilantro and fresh basil, so it’s a bit like Moroccan chermoula. As for the eggplant – I keep
making it the same way, and I decided to try something a little different. I sliced it thicker, and cooked the slices slowly so they became quite soft. Then I stacked them with french lentils,
made my favorite way, and with chard sauteed with golden raisins, garlic, and pine nuts, which is one of my favorite things to eat on the planet, and a slice of mozzarella. Delicious with Malcolm’s sauce and Isaac’s carrots and a salad. And some rosemary focaccia, which I made in 1 1/2 hours! All time record! I should note that the boys arranged their food and took the pictures themselves.

Isaac’s carrots and capers
Here’s The Five DuTones with Shake Your Tail Feather.
Continue reading →