Kale, new potatoes and tapenade
Here at The Ordinary’s technological institute for the technological advancement of the study of technology, we are hard at work developing a new technology. This technology is being tested
by people who test things–doctors and scientists and engineers, and other officials in lab coats and safety glasses. And it is being approved
. We can guarantee that four out of five men in lab coats approve, and we can further assure you of 98% effectiveness. Not 100%, because that would be pushing it too far, and we would obviously
be insulting your intelligence, and we don’t want to do that. All of this is top secret, of course, but I am prepared to reveal to you that the technology that we’re developing is, in fact, anti-anti-idiocy technology. We’ve noticed that everyone else is using technology, so we’ve decided to do so as well. Anti-aging technology, pore-refining technology, odor-blocking technology, super-absorbency technology for blood and sweat and urine, anti-anxiety technology, to help you handle all of your newfound apprehension about aging and stinking and sweating, about being human and imperfect. DO THEY THINK WE’RE MORONS? Do they think that if they slip the word “technology” into their advertisement we will believe that their product will miraculously turn back time? Yes, yes they do think we’re morons, but the truth is actually more cynical than that. They know that we know that their product won’t work, and they know that we’ll buy it anyway! It’s just one of a vast network of well-funded lies that we’re expected to accept. Like the fact that a Tom Cruise movie is worth spending millions of dollars to make or even ten dollars to see. Everybody knows
that money would be better-off spent elsewhere. Well! Everybody knows about the wrinkles, too. Everybody knows we need to hide the wrinkles around our eyes. And recently I learned that I need to be anxious about my eyelashes, because they’re thinning, apparently. But I can take a pill for that, which definitely probably won’t cause depression or death, which would both obviously be small sacrifices in exchange for long thick eyelashes. And just this week I learned that there’s a new technology that might give me younger looking eyes. Eyes!! I think they mean actual eyeballs, and I’m all afluster, because I’d never even thought about being anxious about how old my eyeballs might look! Here I’d spent my whole life not thinking about them much at all, and just foolishly walking around looking at things with them, mindlessly watching the world through them, never suspecting that they were aging along with every other part of me! The horror! The absolute horror! Sadly, our anti-anti-idiocy technology will not give you younger or bluer eyes, although we’d be happy to tell you that it will, if it makes you feel better about buying it. With our new streamlined goggles, you’ll be able see more clearly, you’ll be able to see through the lies. You’ll be able to recognize when somebody is trying to make you feel like crap about yourself so they can sell you an ineffective product. You’ll know that the fact that we have magazines that make money by promising hideous photos of celebrities without their makeup says something much more depressing about the magazine and our culture than the poor idiotic celebrities. You’ll know when somebody is expecting you to act like an idiot for their financial gain. You’ll see past all of that nonsense to see that you are fine
. You’ll see that truth is still there and still worth looking for. You’ll look out on the world with eyeballs of any age, and you’ll be joyful, because it’s your world
Kale, new potatoes, and tapenade
What? More kale and new potatoes? Didn’t we just have that? Well, we did. But the kale from our CSA is so tasty, and I like it so much with soft little new potatoes. And I’ve been thinking for a while of mixing some vegetable in with tapenade the way you might with pesto. Kale and potatoes just make sense, because they’re hearty, and their flavor, though delightful, is not overwhelming. I made the tapenade with hazelnuts, capers and smoked paprika, so it has a strong, bright, smoky flavor, which went very well with the kale and potatoes.
Here’s I’m Beginning to See the Light by the Velvet Underground. “I met myself in a dream
And I just wanna tell you – everything was alright.”
7 or 8 little new potatoes, scrubbed (or 4 or 5 larger potatoes, peeled or scrubbed and chopped into large pieces)
1 bunch kale, washed and trimmed and chopped quite fine
1/2 cup hazelnuts, lightly toasted
1 clove garlic, roasted or toasted (You can toast it in the toaster oven, but pierce the skin so it doesn’t explode)
1/2 cup sturdy bread (baguette or ciabatta) soaked in water
1/2 cup olives, pitted and chopped
2 t capers
2 t rosemary, chopped
1/2 t smoked paprika
1/4 cup olive oil
1 t balsamic
lots of freshly ground pepper
A large handful of toasted cubes of bread.
Put the potatoes in a large pot and cover with water by an inch or two. Bring to a boil, and boil for about ten minutes until they’re starting to soften. Drop the kale in the water, and cook for another five to ten minutes, until the kale is tender but bright and the potatoes are tender.
Meanwhile, Combine the hazelnuts, garlic, bread, olives, capers, rosemary and smoked paprika in a food processor, and process until coarse and crumbly. Add the olive oil and balsamic and process till smooth. Add enough water to make it completely smooth and as thin as you like it (about 1/4 cup should do it). Taste for salt (olives and capers are salty, so you might not need to add any.) Season well with pepper, and add more balsamic if you feel it needs it.
Drain the potatoes and kale, and while hot, mix gently with the tapenade, adding just enough to lightly coat each leaf, but not so much it’s clumpy. Sprinkle the toasted bread over, and serve.